Really all I wanted was to make him happy. Constantly bending over to please him. From day one I gave and gave and kept giving. No need to be thanked or expected the same amount of love. I just wanted to be treated with respect. That is all respect. I just wanted to give him love… Understood his situation, never asked for anything back. Put him a a priority, loved him unconditionally. I wanted to make sure he felt like he was loved. accepted his children as my own. Took care of them. Cleaned up after all of them. But he rejected my own kids. Disrespected me every chance he got. Hurt me emotionally constantly. Promised to change but nothing. Always got blamed for circumstances I couldn't help. As if I was in charge of fate. Expected to do it all even if I was sick or exhausted. I never asked for material things, I never asked for money, I never aske for anything but one thing only respect. If I asked to spend quality time it was a chore for him. A date too much work. So I settled, I settled for whenever he had 5 minutes. I settled to sit by his side while he ignored for tv or his phone. I am always settling. And I kept giving and giving… And I kept getting hurt. I am the puppet… As he said once “disposable”. Why do women allow themselves to be diminished to such level? As if we are not worth it all. I promised to love him and honor him and respect him. I've kept my word. It is not my fault I am nit perfect, or that I do not meet his requirements. Why amI to blame that I was once married before and had my beautiful children. He has three kids of his own. At least my kids were not made to protect a “hidden identity” because I had nothing to hide. And yet I placed no judgement on him for his hidden “secret”. I lover him still. But I can't continue this. It is damaging me more than helping me. I was once married but left that marriage because I wa married to someone who never existed, to many lies and I didn't deserve that, then why should I deserve this too? AmI really such a failure and worthless being that I can't get any respect?
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Escape
HushedHowling, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, 0
*sighs* My best possible friend has ended up finding this site and reading my blogs and has, of course...
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Cancer…stealing another loved one…
Ashes16, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Religion, 0
…so the docs found a black spot on my best friend’s lungs… and its cancerous… he needs to stop...
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Self Harm and how I Miss it
Jadee95X, , Addiction, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Grief, OCD, Therapy, Weight Loss, 1
*POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING* – I will be talking about self-harm in this blog post, fairly graphically at one point....
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At it again
Lonelygirl17, , Depression, Depression, 0
im stuck on the sidelines, and i always be stuck on the sidelines, because although from the outside looking...
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Trying this again
Verc, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Grief, Obesity, Psychosis, Relationships, Suicide, Therapist, 0
I created this profile nearly 2 years ago but never really did anything with it. I could rant about...
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None
BD, , Depression, Career, 0
I feel rotten today – got a touch of a cold or something (sore throat, achey limbs and back,...
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Things will get better
Cheerleader, , Depression, Depression, Medication, Suicide, 1
Hey guys my name is Monishia. I have lived with depression for five years. Since december of 08 my...
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Afraid to go out.
dr_fruikenstein, , Depression, Sleep Disorders, 1
The second half of the week was pretty calm for me. Last night I snapped again. I was pulling...
Thank You Alexx, it's hard for me to
Understand how can someone not see the hurt he causes to others. How can someone reject love? The more I tried giving love the more he would try to hurt me. As far as me finding someone else, I doubt it. I don't desire being lied to, or hurt, or going thru another pointless relationship. It will
Hurt so much to walk away, it will hurt more to see him move on
So quickly. Sadly that's what he does best. Hurting a woman then moving on to the next victim.