This week has been one of the most boring and lonliest for me. I've been feeling incredibly antsy for a while, feeling like I want to do something that would be a step in the direction of accomplishing all the goals/dreams I have for myself, such as getting a job, going to school, moving back to California (where I used to live and where all my best friends are), but I really do not what to do. I applied for a veterinary assistant job at an animal hospital but tthey sent my a letter saying they hired someone else. I also applied for a couple jobs at two different hospitals in my city but I haven't heard from them. I just recently applied for a summer job working as an assistant at an animal shelter. That's a summer job, though, so I don't think I'll hear from them until like May, IF they even decide to call me. I really do want a part-time job working with animals (I feel like I'd be more comfortable doing that) but I don't know if I should wait for another two months just to see if they MAY call me. I've spent too much time sitting around doing nothing just waiting for an opportunity to come a long that I want to take. I have gotten a lot of opportunties in the past to either get a job or make new friends but I always turn down those opportunities because I'm scared of failing or being rejected.

I feel like the whole world is passing me by. I look around and see people living their lives by going to work, having fun with their friends, going to school, laughing with their co-workers, etc. and I think to myself, I want that, but don't know if I will ever have that. Some days I feel like I could, and others days I don't. I just want to be like everyone else. 

I've been thinking about sending letters to all the animal shelters and animal hospitals in my area. I do want to get a job and  have my own money. One of my biggest goals right now is to move back to California. I lived there for 14 years and I miss being there so much. I think I'd feel most comfortable working at an animal shelter because I probably wouldn't really have to deal with a lot of people asking me questions. I worked at Baskin Robbins for two months and I got fired for my inability to speak up to the customers.


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