i’ve been a member of the tribes for a few years, now, and i’ve seen a few changes take place here.  There’s always positive and negative, no matter what the change involves.  i know i will be a work in progress, as long as i draw breath.  There has to be a reason–or more than one, possibly–as to why i am even still alive.  But, that’s OK.  It’s out of my control…..basically, anyway.  Anyway, since i’ve seriously started working with a sponsor, for myself, i have to say my days (and nights) seem at least a lil brighter.  Of course, there are still issues and things that need immediate attention, that might even sway my viewpoint for a minute.  But, the point is:  i’m not wallowing in it–or haven’t been, lately.  –i know, it’s about time.  duh.  lol  Good things come to those who wait.  Right?  Whenever i’d share with a mentor i had a while ago, and let her know how i felt deep in a hole somewhere, or at the end of my rope, she’d just reply:  “tie a knot and hang on.”  Yeah, i’ve been tested—a LOT–since Shelby’s death and even before.  And, i don’t know if i’ll ever see my son or grandson again.  So, i have to work on me–trying to be the best version i can be, no matter what happens.  It’s all out of my control, except for my own behaviors, so i have to hope……  always hoping…..–and that’s OK, too.  It has to be, for me.  i’ve been attending the beach meetings, pretty regularly, and since i’ve started working with a sponsor, it just seems like i’m moving forward, finally?  my thoughts are not as pessimistic?  i dunno, really, how to describe how i feel, other than:  problems are still present, but it’s my reactions that seem a bit….different.  i have a session tomorrow, and i’m sure my therapist is ready for the low-low on things….lol  She calls me intuitive and intelligent.  i feel like i’m just tired of the insanity and ready for my life to move forward, instead of always hitting brick walls.  i’ve been working on my gratitude list, as well as what’s out of my control or/and unmanageable, daily.  So, i have to reflect some, every day.  i’ve never had much of an issue showing gratitude, but when it comes to labeling things and trying to change–well, that’s where pressure begins.  lol 

i’m still having headaches, almost daily, again….  i’ve been outside, in the sunshine, quite a bit lately–even if it’s just a few days per week, the amount of time i’m outside seems a bit much, sometimes.  i don’t know if that might have anything to do with the headaches or not.  So, i’ve just gotta keep my providers in the know, so they can keep me mobile.  lol

Hope you all have a bright end to your week!!!  Please, take care’a yourselves!!!!  much love to you all!!  ***HUGS***


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