Last week Ann Coulter made headlines again by insulting John Edwards with a sexual orentation slur on cable TV. The uproar that caused remined me of a MySpace Blog post I made about Ann a few months ago that I’m reposting here:

Friday Night I dreamed that, among other things, the President issued an executive order that on all public lands at least 1 in 5 “small” trees and 1 in 7 “big” trees had to be cut down. Of course the President didn’t define what “small” and “big” meant, and it said “at least.” Entire national forests could be clear cut.

I can just hear the President saying during a mic check, recapturing the spirit of Reagan, “I’ve just signed legislation outlawing forests forever. We begin logging in five minutes.”

Very Ann Coulter-ish if you ask me.

Now I’m a conservative, but Ann Coulter is, well, insane. If she was president and she was serious about all the stuff she said:

* *Every* tree in America would be cut down and turned into paper or lumber

* The American Bison and the Whitetail Deer would be hunted to extinction

* The United State Department of Education, Department of Energy, Department of Housing and Urban Development, Environmental Protection Agency, National Aeronautics and Space Administration, and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Social Security Administration, Medicare and Medicaid would be dissolved to save taxpayers money

* The Clean Air Act in 1963, the Clean Air Act Amendment in 1966, the Clean Air Act Extension in 1970, and Clean Air Act Amendments in 1977 and 1990, Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, Civil Rights Acts of 1960, 1964, 1968, and 1991, and the Endangered Species Act of 1973 would be repealed.

* We would invade and annex all member of OPEC and horde all their oil supplies and force them to convert to Christianity at the barrel of an M-16.

* By hording all the world’s oil supply any nation that would want oil would have to trade from us. We’d embargo the whole continent of Europe for not supporting our actions in Iraq and, well, just because they are socialist. Europe would regress back to the Dark Ages.

* All illegal immigrates would be rounded up and deported, no questions asked.

* Slavery of African Americans would be reestablished to replace the loss of cheap immigrant labor.

* All homosexuals, Muslims, atheists, proponents of evolution, socialists, communists, abortionists and abortion advocates, feminists, environmental and civil rights activists, reporters and journalists for any news publication and television news agency other than Fox News, the Christian Science Monitor, EWTN, and the 700 Club, and all residents of California would be interned in concentration camps, gassed with Zyclon B, and burned in ovens. Yes, we would have Auschwitz right here in the deserts of Utah and New Mexico.

* The Ninth District Court would be absorbed into the Eight District Court and the 10th District Court.

* The right to vote would be once again restricted to Caucasian males who own land.

And this would all be done with Executive Order and carried out before anybody could put together a legal team to stop it.

What would be the end result? Well, it would suck to be anybody in America except a wealthy upper class WASP male who could afford his own clean air and water. It would even suck for the unborn for while you couldn’t be aborted you’ll be killed or at least mutated by all the tetragens your mom is breathing and drinking in. And if you’re black you have a life of picking cotton to look forward to. Maybe the illegal immgrants would be better off back in Mexico. But by that time I will have emigrated to England and become the feudal lord or Nottingham.

Oh, and every time I see Ann Coulter I can’t help but laugh at the size of her Adam’s apple. The Boondocks are right…it is as big as Lou Ferrigno’s!

With talent on loan from God and a slogan stolen from Rush Limbaugh,

It’s Joel Scheuer


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