I’m parrot75 I’m 18 yrs old but I look much younger and act like aHi immature baby…anyways…I have OCD depression anxiety phobias and zero social life I hardly step out of my house I’m scared of everything and everyone lately I’ve been thinking how much of a loser I am and I started hating myself I feel like a ugly worthless loser I wish I can die I hate myself so much I love all ppl except myself….I wanna stab myself and bleed to death literally I really hate myself soooo much I have so much pain and I feel helpless hopeless and worthless I just want it all to end fast… very fast….I feel like I’ll never succeed in life and I know that I’ll always struggle like I’ve struggled all my life 18 yrs of pain and toture I wish its all over but it’s not the only reason I haven’t committed suic*de is beacuse I dont wanna hurt my family and friends  its enough that they have a bad name because of me and that they have a stupid “problem kid” like me to deal with … I’m sooo messed up inside out… I just want it all to end …I grew up in a ultra Orthodox jewish community In a tightly sealed community separated from the rest of the world no television movies or access to the internet and I was separated from girls 24/7…I want something more modern/worldly in my life but I’m so confused where to go what to do and my mental health is really f***ed up…ughhh …and then I have Alot of friends great ppl who suffer so much I cant see this stupid world anymore so many good ppl suffer it makes me sick in my stomach … I feel like I’m in he11