Well i manage to screw everything up like usual no big surprise there. U would think u would learn from ur past mistakes and deal with it and try and better urself but not me. No matter how hard i try i dont think i will ever get it right. I been writing my short stories again to get my mind off things but its hard. I have also started drinking alot to cope with the pain of being alone which is not like me at all, but its a step up from not cutting or killing myself i guess. Do to medical insurance problems i cant see a doc or get on the right meds so i am stuck how i am atm. Everyday is a constant battle within myself. No one knows how it is to be me or think how i do, everyone sees me ok or either like a nut cuz i cant get it together truth is ik now i probably never will. Last couple of months i learn alot about myself but not only that i learn i will always be alone and thats something that i never wanted. Not alone in as no friends on here or other sites but as in alone in real life and not having someone to love or them love me. Sad really cuz i really wanted that with all my heart. Truth is no one can ever love me no one can handle who i really am and i rather be alone then get hurt and try. Ik its a messed up thing to say but at this moment thats how i feel. When u lose everything to me there is really nothing left to look forward to. As for me i take it day by day and hope for the best.

2 Comments
  1. ravenblack1369 9 years ago

    I'm feeling about the same as you in the love boat right now. I feel like I have already lowered my standards and if they dont want me who could? I get what you are going though and for awhile there i found the answer but I lost it again while I had my last relationship. I'm going to try to find it again since I remember what I did but I als remembered it took time. Last time I found relative peace I just started with asking myself the question what would I like to do. As selfish as it was I asked this question without considering too many other people because truth is there wasnt many people to consider at the time. Gradually I surounded myself with things and activities that I enjoyed and with it came a few nice people. One of these was a boyfriend and it was really nice while it lasted but it made me forget that I am im portant too. I want to remind you that you are important and loveable too even if you've lost site of it for the moment! You look really really pretty in your pic and you deserve a great guy to love you and a ton of friends to watch you become happy and stay happy. I know you dont think you can get there but I believe you can! just start with something small maybe taking the time to enjoy a morning coffee (but make it a concious choice you are doing what ever you choose to do because you deserve it even if at first you are just going through the motions) after awhile it helps.

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  2. borntired 9 years ago

    maybe right now you won't have that special someone but you don't know what the future holds, take it one day at a time. people change, there could be someone out there right now who is getting prepared through life to be your special someone

    i am sorry about the insurance problems that is really hard

    our pastor did a sermon on true love and how our true love will be someone not who completes you…..but someone who makes the best in you better, like putting a beautiful frame on an already beautiful picture, God loves you.

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