I dont understand its like my life revolves around a why. for a long time i have not bin able to just enjoy a nights sleep. everytime i try to fall asleep i start thinking, planning, thinking of what i did and how i could have changed it. i have researched and so for a long time now i have bin having alot of anxioty disorders mostly social making my school life impossible. I joined here this is my first post because i just hope here someone will understand me and not think that im being a drama queen or making all of this up as an excuse like my entire family thinks. just looking for someone to relate to. rite now its almost 3 am and im wide awake becuase i just cant stop thinking, worst p[art is i cant control any of it. it toys with my emotions my life and my entire way of being. for a while now i have just bin wishing tolivve a normal life. why the stress, why the struggle of whats comming next. im 16 and and i already have my entire life planned which is something one would think good but no its horrible. if something is done wrong i torcher myself. this has drivin me to be a perfectionist limiting me from small task that i refuse to do if not done correctly. this has driven me away from my brother the one who i look up to so. in the passed 2 weeks ive driven myself to the breakdown point of just crying my eyes out. i need the help the which nobody has bin able to give me. and teh thinking always leads me to the most undesirable of topics like death. oh how it drives me mad. my reactions in life my emotions all turn negative i dont undersrtand why i react and why i think the way i do i dont like it i dont want it but i cant get rid of it theres so much of myself i want to fix so much i want to change but i cant get myself to do so.