I'm kind of excited to start college. Because of the program I'm gong into I'll be able to make friends, the Emerging leaders doesn't have more than 120 students so Ill have friends inside and outside of hat program. Part of me still worries I won't be able to make friends. Or not real ones. It just seems like… when I'm the last resort people hang out with me but there's always someone better.
I've been getting ignored more and more by the chat rooms and such I frequent on my teen roleplaying games. and I just keep feeling like I don't belong anywhere. That there is no where I can belong no matter how hard I try. Even if I don't try, even if I'm just myself… its always consistent. That there is rarely a person who wants to hang out with me, we will hang out and then they'll find someone else, they'll invite me along, probably out of pity, but I go because I was invited and I'm all for hanging out with another person. but I'm ignored.
I'm just tired of not having anyone of feeling like this. I just want some friends, someone to talk to. I guess college is a good shot for that, but its still two months away and I dig myself into a deeper depression. People say 'join clubs, volunteer.' but I live in a small town surrounded by small towns and the only clubs are for elderly women or super young kids, unless their affiliated with a church, and I can't find a church to go to that I agree with.
On the 19th of July I have a social to meet my fellow emerging leaders… I'm worried that I'll get there and everything will happen like it always does. There will be no one who has anything in common with me, or who has more in common with someone else so they'll gravitate towards that person until I'm completely alone.
I just don't want to be alone anymore, I just want a friend I can hang out with and relate.