So…. I just… I still feel numb…. And just want… to crawl into bed and stay there. Today was too difficult to get out of bed. I almost didn't. Had I not had two finals today I probably wouldn't have. Thankfully today is the only day that I have two finals where the rest of the week I have only one. And yet I still will be stuck here at school doing nothing… I guess it won't be all that bad… People will probably leave throughout the day so the class will be smaller and quieter… I dunno..
Mother isn't helping my depression right now. Like I went over to my friend's this weekend and she texted me one time throughout the weekend and that was to literally cuss me out saying that I did not clean my room… -_- When I get home what did I miss? ONE can of diet coke that FELL ON THE FLOOR AND OUT OF SIGHT! Like am I suppose to have X-ray vision?! Everything else was fine but that ONE COKE CAN gets her to flip her sh*tand cuss the living h*ll out of me…. And she did it in front of my friend! Like I know that we have been friends since we were babies and that she is more like family than a friend… but still… like it was not necassary… And as soon as I got home it was as if she were waiting to just explode at me… Like she didn't say hi or how was your day or anything… She just exploded at me with the ONE can… She said literally two things to me last night. One was to cuss me out about the can and the other was to wash the dishes… And I just kind of want to purely vent here. Because I do realize that the reason why I do the dishes is to pay for my phone bill… I understand that. However when I'm gone for three days and it appears that you have saved every dish that they dirty up for me to clean up…. And the only thing you say to me is to cuss me out and tell me to do that dishes… I'm generally going to get a little pissy about the whole situation. And I wouldn't mind doing the dishes normally, even if mother and I were on bad terms, IF ANY OF THE DISHES WERE USED BY ME! None of the dishes were mine… Like I don't want to be a maid. I am not your servant…. Like WASH YOUR OWN DAMN DISHES! (Like I said that's purely venting because I need that money for my phone bill but still… -_-)
It's just like the only reason why I am even wanted there is to do the chores… Like… I just… I don't know… I'm trying not to think badly about everything but I just can't help it… I was in the shower last night and thankfully my blade was in my room because I would have cut. It wasn't even for the argueing (or lack of cause I sure as h*ll am not crazy enough to fight my mother…)… It was just the overall feeling. The same feeling I've been having for a while now… Or even the lack there of of a feeling… No.. kidding… I have feelings right now.. but none of them are good. I don't know.
I need to go… I'm in Photography right now and have to take my final… Thanks for reading if you did… I know it's kind of pathetic.