So I actually seem to be making a little bit of progress on my life. I've noticed that since I really started to “get” the program and I've truly been abstaining from my compulsions that how I think about things and how I function through my day is changing. ever so slowly of course but it's starting to become noticeable to me. I have this way of imagining how great my house/car/job/life will be once I do something/whatever (hosue will look good after I totally remodel, job will work out great when I'm able to do XX, school would be great once I start reading everyday, etc.) i have the best of intentions and often get started but then never actually get done. My house has been in a constant state of chaos since I moved in in September. I've had construction zone status to the point that when I finally began to get clear minded a few weeks ago I looked around and thought I can't believe i've been living hear. And of course I isolate so I don't let anyone come over. And I carry guilt with me all the time because I'm afraid someone might. anyhow, this is all starting to change. Very slowly I am clearing away the chaos. and the vision I've carried in my head for six months is starting to creep out. Perhaps with recovery I can live the life I thought I was living in my head. except now it will be real. tonight I went through and cleared out all of my diet books. I'm a compulsive overeater, exdercise, diet freak. Makes me totally wacko. Tonight I'm taking it all to the trunk and tomorrow to a church. I can live free and clear of all that crap now. If only I could get teh money back that I spent on them all. oh well. life's lessons don't come cheap I guess.


1 Comment
  1. SunshineDay 17 years ago

    I've seen myself following this thought process that once I'm sober everything in my life will fall into place. I'm sober, I'm healthy, I'm happier than I've ever been. My house is still a complete dump. Remember that your serenity is inversly proportionate to your expectations! You, like your house, are a work in process…Everything happens when it's supposed to happen, not necessarily when you want it to happen. 😉

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