So I actually seem to be making a little bit of progress on my life. I've noticed that since I really started to “get” the program and I've truly been abstaining from my compulsions that how I think about things and how I function through my day is changing. ever so slowly of course but it's starting to become noticeable to me. I have this way of imagining how great my house/car/job/life will be once I do something/whatever (hosue will look good after I totally remodel, job will work out great when I'm able to do XX, school would be great once I start reading everyday, etc.) i have the best of intentions and often get started but then never actually get done. My house has been in a constant state of chaos since I moved in in September. I've had construction zone status to the point that when I finally began to get clear minded a few weeks ago I looked around and thought I can't believe i've been living hear. And of course I isolate so I don't let anyone come over. And I carry guilt with me all the time because I'm afraid someone might. anyhow, this is all starting to change. Very slowly I am clearing away the chaos. and the vision I've carried in my head for six months is starting to creep out. Perhaps with recovery I can live the life I thought I was living in my head. except now it will be real. tonight I went through and cleared out all of my diet books. I'm a compulsive overeater, exdercise, diet freak. Makes me totally wacko. Tonight I'm taking it all to the trunk and tomorrow to a church. I can live free and clear of all that crap now. If only I could get teh money back that I spent on them all. oh well. life's lessons don't come cheap I guess.