In the past, I have struggled with addiction to food, which I have realized I am battling worse now. I have gained 50 pounds in the last year (I was already about 20 pounds overweight when I started the uphill climb again). This has caused a strain in my relationship. This has also caused me to revert back to my bulimic habits that I had when I first started dating my husband.
But, a friend has pointed out that I have started using shopping as a way to cope with the depression that has onset from the issues in my marriage from eating too much. Unfortunately, this has caused an even bigger divide in my marriage. I thought hiding my spending would be easy. It isn’t… My mother-in- law is a shopaholic with her credit cards, I have noticed, so I try to take after her. But it seems that is just making me feel like a I fail more at life, as myself, and with my marriage.
I know that I can control myself if I really wanted to. I was a vegetarian for a year and a half, and it was the most healthiest time in my life. I felt I was able to control every aspect of my life at that time. Should I go back though? I have let every aspect of my life get out of hand.
I’m also thinking of turning to a close co-worker for guidance, but it is a hard step due to my fear of being judged. I know that has made a big impact on seeking help.
I can’t afford to see a therapist due to my insurance. But my primary care does have me on an anti-depressant and an anti- anxiety, as I also struggle with multiple anxieties. I feel like I am at a loss right now. I know I’m out of control and I really just need help to save myself and my marriage.
Can anyone provide me advice?