I think that i might have pushed it a little to far today with the piano thing. I thinkg i realized that im a creator not a rules and regulations person. Well im thinking this because, i was happily playing with my piano making stuffs up, matching sounds together and playing what feels good to me, then i thought hey maybe i have some of my old piano books i should take a look at them and see what i remember and see if i can find a song to play or learn to play one again. I open itup and i dont remeber anything from it, I tried to read and geta feel for it, tried to look at the notes but it was so forced… it just wasnt good… wasnt good at all… im just not that kinda person who has to do things liek that… i see it over and over again, i see it when i used to work, when i kept tyring to force myself i just break down. Its like i cant undersand how it works. Its so hard to explain, i feel restricted and that im doing itwrong and because i cant do it the way that they teach it or people learn it i feel like there is osmehting wrong with me. Idk i think i might have ruined my day by opening that book. Its difficult to explain… creating is freeing and idk idk what im trying to say i cant think right now i just know that i go upset and feel crapy. I feel like i dont fit anywhere. Im not sure what to do. Its not all things. cakes i can follow the directions on cakes. blah i just need to calm down. damn it! i guess i dont know how im supposed to fit into this world. I just dont fit.
-
Empressment
Infected, , Depression, Depression, 0
Stuck in this mind. I know it’s mine but I don’t wanna be this way at this time, why...
-
Relieved
sadviolinist, , Depression, Medication, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 0
So too finish about my day… I saw the doctor and he took me off the Abilify! In celebration...
-
I Need This…
GreenSkies, , Depression, Anxiety, 0
I need to do this, I HAVE to do this. I need to leave, I know why. I need...
-
Just kinda here
wantingtorunaway, , Depression, 0
tonight is just kinda like any other night lately….I really honestly don't know what I feel…I'm just kinda numb. ...
-
New Beginnings
Sage2008, , Depression, Relationships, Social Anxiety, 0
Ending any long relationship seems to included the hate that builds up over the final days. It all spills...
-
Blog Five: Click, Click, Click.
MoestiferVita, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Relationships, Schizophrenia, Sleep Disorders, 1
I’m done. With school, with these people (excluding you guys all here), I just want to pick up and...
-
Thoughts from the heart….
wantingtorunaway, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Domestic Abuse, 0
In the early morning hours it's there In the late night hours it's there This damn depression and sadness...
-
Debbie Downer Forever?
Fallalot, , Depression, Depression, Grief, Relationships, 0
I read all these blogs people post, and I have so many emotions when I do. I am sorry...