I woke up feeling ok. Felt that i could redo my resume and then go apply for a job, but then i remebered that i broke it off with my gf last night. then my ex texted me i was already feeling like crap and i decided to text her back to be politre and put on that fake me, she is doing great, she is doing what a 21 year old should be doing. then i text my friend jake i started crying at 10 didnt stop till 1pm. I tried to hang myself, made the nouse, wrote my letter, put the nouse around my neck and i pulled the other side. I didnt want to put the otherside on the light i didnt want to die but i did, it hurt and i could feel my throat closeing fromt eh pressure. I thought that maybe i could stop the blood flow and just die but it wasnt working, i didnt want to do the hanging part cuz who ever found me would see that. i kept pulling and feeling my arterise close and my throat close then id let go before i did some permanent damage, i couldnt hang myself or end my life that way. So i got my knife that i cut with and i tried to  make a deep cut it wasnt deep enough and it hurt. I dont know how deep i have to go.it wasnt deep enough and i didnt know how to make it go deeper my knife wasnt sharp enough. i sat curled up crying getting up once in a while to go to the bathroom. then my mom called i couldnt stop crying. she wanted me to rub peace and calming on my feet, i didnt want to because i know that it wouldnt make the problem disaprear it would just calm me down then when i get back to it it will just be worse.