So it's been almost a whole year since I made this account, posted once and then never again till now.
I went to therapy for a few months, went to my family doctor, got medication, and strated feeling better. My next semester of school (i'm a college student) was the best one of my life. I'm pretty sure now that I was possibly experiencing mania… I did risky things, thought I wanted to be famous, I wanted to save the world.
This summer I got a job that wasn't for my family for the first time. I mellowed out a little. I woke up at 7:15 each day, dealt with stressful situations that put me out of my comfort zone, and made money. Thank God for my friend who got me in. If not for her I would have nothing by means of money.
Now I have some money in the bank but since I've stared college again and even during the last few weeks of summer, I've lost ambition. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Actually, I know what I'd love to do, I just feel incapable. I;ve been writing song lyrics. I would love to be a singer. I dob't play an instrument though and I have some experience on stage in theater but I havent performed in years. I feel like to want to become a famous singer is way too ambitious. I tell people in class and stuff that I would liek to be a marriage counseler, but the thought of applying for and paying for grad school scares the shit out of me.
So once again I've given my information to the counseling center at school. They'll call me soon to set up regular appointments. We'll probably meet weekly. I've also asked my mom if she could try to put together a mental medical history of my family for me so I can have a better idea of what's going on inside my head.
BOth my parents have suggested either a change in anti depressants or an increased dose. I'm scared of gaining more weight (how shallow) or another period of mania. I probably shouldn't have stopped going to therapy, but I felt fine, I felt good. Now not so much. I will try to be more active on this site because I feel like it's such a good way to find support.
I want to thank the people who replied to my first post. I wasn't expecting anyone to. I think one of the reasons i never posted again as because I was afriad of judgement because people actually read and replied to my first post. I want to be helped and help others from now on.
Thanks for reading