Hello, to any and all who read this.
This is my first foray on this site… and my first attempt at any kind of online journaling/blogging type of thing. A friend of mine suggested that I try this, suggesting that expressing myself like this and giving support to and receiving support from people processing similar emotions might be helpful. I'm the kind of introspective recalcitrant who remains a stubborn refusal to even join Facebook, but I ran out of reasons not to come here. So here I am.
I'm 22. I live in New England, and it's cold. I have a B.A. and a job as a legal writer. I have a loving family and a few close friends. And I've had depression since age 12-ish. I didn't think of it as "depression" then, but that's what it was. There are good and bad times, even times when I really am truly happy. But most of the time, it's there, even if it's in remission. A few times it has become very, very severe – it is not that severe right now, but it is bad enough that I know I need some kind of alleviation.
As to "why" I'm depressed… I think it's kind of inarguable by now that my personality is predisposed to it. I tend towards existential angst. But I'm also depressed because of a lot of doubts about my future, and scars from my past.
And I guess that's my introduction. More like "putting a toe into the water," along with reading a few others' posts tonight. I'll end it with a wishlist for what I wish I had, but don't: 1) new inspiration to write (fiction); 2) some sense of direction for where I'd like to drive my school/work life in the next few years; 3) belief there could be new love in my life someday.
I hope you're all doing well this New Year's.