Wow I have seriously emotional problems, for some reason right now i feel like crying really badly, and really i cant even think of the reason y. I probably do know the reason, but I dont think thats the main reason y. Well I had a dream where i was left out like crazy at a rave for some reason. I need to stop taking these drugs its really getting to me and no one is really helping me, so I have to deal with this alone. Well most of my friends are thinking that if they keep helping me i will never be able to fix me problems alone. I get the reason y they are doing it, but it seems to be making me feel even more alone and not wanted by them. I know I’m thinking too much, but I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m planning to go for a jog, then smoke up, and then eat. Idk if i want to meet anyone up, but i might just stay home and watch drama’s or something. I have class at 6:20, but I dont want to go, i should go thought, but I wanna go to a club at night. Am i really in a position to go clubbing right now. To bad no one reads this, but fuck I think i should be really just staying home and trying to get over this comedown and depression I’m having. Right now its like i feel like suciding, but i’m scared to. From what i see my whole life is depressing, but now I’m getting to a point where I can handle it anymore. Instead of ending my life, I think i wanna start a new one where I don’t have close friends so I will never get disspointed period. I know having friends is better than being alone, but in my situation I think I am a person that should always have no close friends and just people I no. Dam I wish i can talk to this to one of the friends i consider close now, but its just going to be embarassing and I think im getting to a point where they are getting annoyed to the max. I really want this to not happen, but its happening, but there is really nothing wrong except for the fact that im left alone. When I’m with people I know i dont think like this, but when I’m alone I feel so sad. This sounds hella exaggerated, but I really do feel this way. Right now I’m randomly getting sad and start crying, and I have mood swings and I get pissed off a lot. While this is all happening to me since i deserve it, my friends make it look like they are having fun doing something else and leaving me to suffer alone, like they dont want to help me, but it’s my fault this happen cause i choose to do the drugs. That makes me wanna just dissappear since no one really wants to help me, they don’t really look like they wanna stop me either. Knowing this makes me wanan pop even more, fuck idk what to do and i seem to be really going out of it. If nothing changes soon i might wanna do something that idk anymore…. no really is stopping me though…

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