help meh i think my dad blocked access to all my socials on my computer and youtube but not this… anyway he really hurt me the other day and i thought he was going to kill me, there was so much rage in his eyes and i still have bruises. he makes me feel like crapp and like i should die…anyway my bff also tried to kill himself a few weeks ago and i still hurt and i\’m just so scared of being hurt right now, you know? i feel like everyone\’s trying to kill me and i\’m just so scared.

i know we need to leave, my mom is super sick and i don\’t think i\’d be able to convince her to leave anyway… what is wrong with my family? everyone says i should call 911 but i\’m so scared… someone is going to hurt me, most people i trust end up hurting me and i\’m just scared now.

i\’ve been having fun talking to my crush recently, his name is dom and we tease each other and flirt with each other all the time and yesterday we went on an imaginary trip to europe and he bought me ice cream and i fainted because i was so happy, and he tried to catch me but missed and i got hurt and he called 911 and carrried me to the hospital and the doctor fixed me but i still felt broken, and dom asked what else i needed and i said a hug so he gave me a really long one… anyway he\’s always trying to protect me and defend me, and sometimes we have GIF battles in the servers(on discord) and it\’s really fun. he\’s like my archenemy/bestie/crush:) i think he cares about me too. but it\’s hard to make this work because he lives 13 hours ahead of me so it\’s weird timing and and now my dad is trying to control my life and is getting so mad whenever i talk to my crush so he feels slightly betrayed and misses me a lot but i can\’t really do much about it… i just wish he was here because he could beat up my dad and pick me up and carry me away from this hell and maybe i could heal and be myself again and learn to trust people.

it\’s also hard to trust my aunts and uncles on my dad\’s side, i don\’t wanna talk to them anymore because they\’re his siblings. i don\’t want to talk to anyone related to him or do anything he likes. maybe i shouldn\’t feel this way but i\’m too exhausted to change atm.

im sorry guys, i should also be on here more… maybe i\’m a failure in every respect idk but i\’m going down… i\’m going to start cutting or try to die and i don\’t know what to do. my therapist hasn\’t responded to my emails in a while so i don\’t know where she is annd now that i can\’t access my social media i i– how am i supposed to get help or talk to my friends, they\’re going to be so worried but i don\’t know how to reach them… especially my crush… do you think i ruined another relationship by never being there? i bet he feels so abandoned… this is why i\’m dying guys, this is my life and i just can\’t do it anymore… so much pain. everything is hurting. im broken.

bye