This may seem pathetic to most of you, but today I'm going to make a bold move.

Today I'm going to the car mechanic (i need an oil change) and I'm going to NO not let someone follow me there in their car.. but I'm going to sit there.. carless.. for a half an hour, not being able to leave, but knowing that if I call someone someone will come get me.

This mere thought right now just thinking about it is scaring the living shit out of me. I hate being helpless without my car.

Last night I was reading in my self help book that I am supposed to "let my anxiety attacks happen.. and accept them"  This means when I feel myself start to get anxiety, I'm supposed to think, "This is normal…. The feeling will pass" And not try to fight it. This is specifically hard for me because normally once I start to feel panic my first instinct is to leave the situation or start fighting my anxiety..telling myself that I need to get over this right now, and need to breathe normal. 

The problem with anxiety is that we are so unaccepting of ourselves.  We need to realize that anxiety disorder IS okay to have.. ITS OKAY TO HAVE PANIC ATTACKS! You are not  a failure if you have one, you are NOT a failure if you have to leave the situatino either. But I was told that if you do have to leave a situation.. leave verrrryyy slowly… almost picture yourself leaving in slow motion.

*sigh* this is a big step for me..  I'm scared at my wits end, but I'm going to try to do it… and heres the thing, if I DONT end up doing it.. its okay.. I'm not going to beat myself up about it because there is always tomorrow.