Hi there. I recently joined this blog site to help myself to deal with my newly diagnosed anxiety. I am only 18 years of age, and was diagnosed with GAD about 2 and half months ago now.
I had my first panic attack when I was lying on my couch watching tv, just after getting off the phone to my boyfriend. I was frustrated with him, but not to any extreme degree, and out of no where I stood up and felt so weird. My body felt like it was going to shrivle or like gravity pulling me down. I felt as if I was going to collapse or going insane. I screamed and had no idea what was going on. It was numbingly terrifying. It gradually faded and I went to bed and slept.
The next morning, when I began to talk about it – I would feel the same feeling coming back. It was terrifying. I spoke to my friends about it, and no one had any idea what was happening. My friend who has epilepsy said that sometimes that is how she feels before she has a fit – those words have haunted me ever since.
I've been to 3 doctors, and am recently seeing a therapist who does help. Everyone keeps putting it down to school and exams, as I am in my final year and these exams will determine my college choices. I wake up everyday with another new symptom – I feel like I've become a hyprochondriac. All I do is worry about my healthy – headaches, shaking, blurriness, palpitations, dizzy spells, my pupils – everything I feel I disect and convince myself that I have something wrong with me that is getting worse – despite being seen by three doctors, I am not reassured.
This has really been a very rough few months for me, and I go from feeling okay and getting better – too falling straight back down, and everytime it's harder to get up. Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane, or that I will never go back to the person I was before. I always had issues emotionally, but nothing ever as bad as anxiety – I just thought it was normal, and enjoyed spending my quiet moods listening to my ipod, away from the world.
I know there is no easy fix, and it is not going to go away over night, but I just need reassurance that it WILL go away. I don't know who I am these past few weeks – it's terrifying ! I've always been a very independent and confident person, and all those traits have been completely knocked. I am just lost. I have Xanax for sleeping, but try to avoid taking them. I am quite against going on any medication for my anxiety. But I constantly feel weird or like I'm in one respect – going mad. It's horrible.
It has really effected my family and my relationship with them – especially my mum, she blames herself and in return then resents me. I just don't feel like I've anyone to talk to – other than my councellor. I feel I've no one to relate, or who can really reassure me that this is just anxiety and stress symptoms, and that I do not have a serious under lying disease or illness.
I hope there is someone out there who understands and can reassure me that there is life after anxiety – because I need the motivation and strength to fight this.
Thank you if you take the time to read this.