i am so tired of being tired depressed having anxiety and everything else that keeps going wrong. it never ends. i just want to b normal and happy again. i really dont think its that much to ask for after all i have been through and everything i do for the others around me. i go and go and go and feel like i never get any alone time to just b lazy for once. i feel like i never stop and its exhausting. im all about doing for others but ive almost reached my limit. i lkove to help others but when they take and take and never return anything it gets old. not that i want or need anything in return it would just be a nice jesture. idk.

im kinda confused lately. my mind is going a million miles a  min. im smoking cigs like they r going out of style. anxiety is up again of course. never seems to go away. i LOVE MY HUSBAND AND KIDS BUT SOMETIMES I THINK THERE IS AN EASIER WAY OF DEALING WITH THINGS. IM NEVER GONNA ACT ON MY THOUGHTS THEY R JUST THOUGHTS BUT ANYONE UNDERSTAND HOW IM FEELING? i want to change my thoughts or atleast get them to stop for once so i can focus on my day to day activites that NEED to be done. ESPECIALLY WITH MY CHILDREN. IT JUST MAKES IT HARD WHEN U DONT EVEN WANNA GET OUT OF BED. i cry i talk i scream and nothing seems to get the frustration/anxiety/anger/depression out. like i said b4 i just wanna be happy again so my family and i can go on with our lives and not be held back by my fu**ing disorders. my family is my world and i dont know what i would do with out them here to help support me but i hate that i have to rely on others to help me. between my kids husband and great friend i have alot of support but im not the one who takes support well. i want things fixed now but i know that cant happen. i am the one who helps others not the one that usually has to take the help from others. im not used to it and it makes me feel like im not able to help myself. id been on my own basically til 1 was 18 and met my wonderful husband. i havent had to rely on others near as much as i have had to in the past couple of months and im just not used to it i guess. idk thanks to all who took the time to read this