I don't know what has happened. My life has gone downhill since the summer of '10. I never want to do anything anymore. I would rather sit at home alone then go out with my friends, and when i do go out with my friends I sit there quietly. I was never shy since last summer so i got worried. When I'm with my friends there is nothing to talk about, and all of them hang out so much that they have inside jokes that I'm not included in. I find more confort sitting home by myself, drowning myself in the computer or xbox. I smile sometimes, but I'm never truely happy. And i feel like if you were to cut meopen, there is nothing inside. Sometimes,i feel as if i have no emotions at all. Today, New Years Eve, i can honestly say that i would rather spend it alone. I started researching Depression and i had all of the symptoms. I'm suicidal on and off and i have self harm issues, i take everyone's comments personally and can't STAND it when people lay a hand on me. I feel as if everyone is staring at me and judging me all the time when there not and i can't look in the mirror and tell myself I'm pretty, when all my friends say i am. I can't, i pick out the flaws automatically, and once i start i can't stop. I feel alone, like everyone is shutting my out of their lives. But recently i was told that really, i was doing it to everyone else.
My parents say they were going to get me theropy, but constintly goes back on there word and i don't know what to do. I can't afford it myself, and i tried EVERYTHING. I just can't get any happier. Money is tight right now, i am aware that theropy can be expensive, but why can't my parents spend money on my health rather then stupid little things.

Tired of living and scared of dying.

1 Comment
  1. tasogare 12 years ago

    I have very similiar experiences, perhaps you can try meditation? Don't think about anything, let it go. You're not alone here.   you can do it, meditation never hurted anyone. hope to hear from you again. take care,friend

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