I am bipolar, recovering alcoholic, anorixic, been in severe depression for about 3 months.  Now, I am in Denver away from home in Oklahoma where my  husband and I brought our daughter for treatment to chronic eczema, asthma and food allergies.  The care is very involved. I am exhausted now and we don’t go home for about a week.  My psychiatrist has changed my meds, is helping a litlle, but I am overwhelmed with the care for my daughter.  Trouble not wanting to die.  Thinking even though I know it is not true that my daughter would be better without me. I feel like I am in the middle of a bad dream, but I am awake. I was not functioning before this trip, don’t know what I am going to do when I go home and my husband goes back to work.  I hate my life.  I don’t enjoy anything.  Money is tight.  I have a spending problem.  Anyone who reads this and prays, please pray for a miracle, I really need one.  It is hard too, because my daughter is 11 and knows I have been in distress.  It is hard on her.  She is very bright and perceptive.  When I see her diappointment and pain when I can’t do something or I break a promise, I feel like crap. I love her, but I am feeling shell shocked, as she really is a special needs child.  I have looked at other "special needs" family pictures and thought thank God that is not us.  But it is and my depression is making it really hard to embrace.  Hell, I am special needs and my care is overwhelming.  Didn’t have much of a mother, which makes being one that much harder.  I keep reading over what I have written, hoping to feel some relief at having expressed myself, but, so far, no. Please be kind and thoughtful if you choose to reply.


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