Today hasn’t been a very good day….

The things in my life and everything around me is starting to get to me. Where am I in life? Where do I want it to go? And besides this being a major issue on me at the moment, my partner has also slipped into this train of thought, causing nothing but depression and a strain on our relationship.

I’m worried. That if I or Himself dont do something about it, our relationship could fall apart. I try to help him, be supportive to him and his ambitions but it seems he doesn’t even want to try. To actually do anything. Yet he confines in me on how he feels but doesn’t actually want to listen to my thought. He is a talented man also, just like myself, he has many oppturnities out there for him to consider and yet having spent hours and hours researching into the best possibilies for him to choose for, he doesn’t even want think about it.

Its hard for me to cope with my life and my thoughts and what I want to do in life and give myself some sort of motivation to get started in this, let alone trying to help the one person who matters most to you. I’m trying to be possitive on the situation right now, because I don’t want to see our relationship coming to an end because of this. I don’t know exactly whats going on in his head, but I hope he doesn’t consider us being apart to be a solution.

And it worries me also that he keeps saying, I am the one holding you back from your dreams. No one can hold me back except for myself. I know this and I don’t think he understands.

The only other thing I can do is to get my ass out there and complish what I want to complish in hope it will give him some inspiration with his own outlooks on life. As much as I am afraid to do this, emotionally… I will do it. I guess I see it as somethings have to be done, like it or not, to hold onto someone you love.

We’re not well off in money, so it’s hard to start something, even to go back to studying (as I want to do) but there are always ways to get around this. Plenty of research through the internet and businesses I found a way to kick-start what I want to do. Even without having the finance to support it right now, but can still be done. It’s going to be alot of hard work, time, persistance and trying to ignore the mental issues happening with me to get this done. Not to mention also the acceptance from the course providers themselves.

Anyways…. So I decided to have an alcoholic drink tonight. I don’t drink often but I think today is a good day to have one.

Thanks for listening/reading… whatever.