Here is another bit about me, which is just me, without its adulterated forms. Meaning I have uncovered so many corrupted layers about me that I am reaching about what I am.
I seem to have a very good ability to be the environment that I am in. In role, in character play. A little bit of a chameleon, except that a chameleon blends in, I might play a role of charmer, instigator, outcast, or whatever. and if I was watching a movie, or listening to a song, I suddenly become whatever that I am watching or be feeling what the song is singing.
This means I have great empathic skill. not by intention. but it seems to happen. and this has confused me a lot. for I kept thinking that it was me, when clearly I was merely projecting stuffs of the others.
So as time went by, I began to notice what belongs to me and what of others. and during christmas I was sitting on my own, guarding my christmas away from company but mine, I found that I had no need to be anyone or anything or to prove anything. I have all that I need, I have no need to learn more than by setting my attention to it, I had no desire in which ever direction. sexless and genderless and ageless. I was very neutral. there was no unpeace to this state.
so needless to say, I do wonder about what's next, or what drives me, for when I am under the influence, of whatever that affects me nearby, then I will go chase after that thing, and become that with all its necessary skills.
and at this point its like, ermm…ok…what's up… ?
for my intense interests in things lasts only as long as its effects on me, the insights given me, then I will go back to normal, to disengage myself. myself without insights, without motive.
so I do not commit myself to anything, and I do wonder, for what am I gathering experiences, insight and knowledge, inside knowledge ?