So I finally met up with Jocelyn last night. Its been 7 or 8 years maybe since I've seen her?
It was … interesting because I didn't really feel the usual anxiety before meeting her. This is because of the medication that I'm taking actually. Anyway, the most interesting thing was that when I was in her car going to the restuarant, I could feel that I was getting a little anxious and tense. Then, when we were walking to the restuarant, I got so nervous that my teeth were literally chattering together!!
I did clam down once we ordered and we started talking and eating and all.
SIgnificantly, this is the first time in years that I've actually gone out to eat. I've got quite a bit of food trauma to be honest, and I usually avoid parties and all that because I just get so damn anxious about it. Also, this is probably the first time I've had dinner with a girl as well. Girls make me nervous too. I don't think I need to explain that one aye?? haha
Anyway, another very interesting thing was that when I was nervous and even when my teeth were chattering, it was like.. I was feeling and seeing it from a thrid person view or something? It was like I was just observing and couldn't control it all, which is true, I couldn't control any of it. But then again, it was like I was really scared that I was scared?? I'm not sure if that makes sense actually. I guess, I was feeling scared and anxious, but at the same time, not really being very bothered about it? I was just wondering at the time whether she could hear my teeth! Which she could actually but she initially just thought that it was because it was cold.
In any case, it was really cool and nice to meet up with her actually. We talked a lot about everything and even about my anxiety and all that. So yeah… interesting and good night out.
Oh, did I mention that she was the first girl I ever chased? So yeah.. super interesting I guess….