Well, its hard to believe that I am still alive and kicking. I have been pretty overwhelmed lateley with feelings that I have not had in awhile. My thoughts of hoplessness that were hiding at bay havesurfaced again. I have been online looking at dealerships in south Florida area again, and hoping I get the courage up to leave PA before the winter. I just can't think of cleaning snow again. I went down to Key West last month and did not want to come back. I have not left because I don't want to leave my daughters, but they are almost 18 and 19 and do their own thing anyway. The geese are able to, altough by instinct, fly south where it is warm for the winter. They find a way to survive with only the feathers on their back and a full belly. I don't require much more than them in my eyes, but yet my life time dream seems so daunting a task. People do it all the time and relocate to different parts of the country or even world for that matter and start anew, and seem to survive. I just want to go, but my guilt of leaving the girls and even my parents and girlfriend who is in love with me keeps me here. But what about what life I want.Is it better that I just go for it and see what my future holds for me in a different place or do I fall into depression by staying here for others. My self distructive thoughts because of these things have come back upon me again and its not good. My anxiety has as well come back. I don't have the money to just go and set up a new life but I am a hard worker and can get a job in the car business without a problem. But I will travel like the geese til I get there, just a full belly and the clothes on my back. I hope my future path becomes clear soon. I need to find out why I am still here on earth. It can't be to be sad and depressed. I just am lost>

1 Comment
  1. roxymusic46 12 years ago

    hey Mike,

     I know exactly how u feel, I am in the same position. just want to go away and start over again and get a way from all the people that have hurt me. but my kids and family keep me here. i dont leave my house anymore in fact i dont even leave my room. i am just so miserable her but i promised my son he could graduate from the hs he is going cuz hes tired of moving since our house b urnt down.but im trying to hang on to the thought only 2 years left here and then im outta here. already know where im going and my youngest said he would go with me.

    And I too dont know why im on this earth either cuz i feel like a wast of space.

    I hope u get what u wish for cuz i think people like us do need new starts.

    if ur girlfriend loved u she would understand and want whats best for u. she would stand by u.(sorry i put my 2 cents in)

    fortunately i am alone except for my kids

    u have to do whats best for u

    take care

    0 kudos

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