Didn't get much sleep in the last few days. I keep on tossing and turning on my bed, my mind racing despite my eyes begging for release. Last night was the worst one. I ended up ditching my matress for the floor before getting back onto the bed.

Every morning, I'm exausted beyond beleif. It's normal that I would want more sleep, but it's just getting ridiculous now. The alarm goes off, I deactivate it, then I go back to sleep for another hour or so. Someone has to wake me up just so I won't be late for school. Let's just say I'm not a morning person.

It's not just sleep problems that are giving me a hard time. Several days ago, my sister went on another of her bullying streaks. What made it worse is that Daniel's now doing what she tells him to do. I snapped not only at her, but my baby brother as well. I just can't take it anymore. She treats me like I'm a joke. Maybe I'm not that great a source of family pride, but I just want everyone off my back.

Then my dad gets home and she starts acting like I'm the culprit, not letting her get any sleep. He ends up ripping the computer cord out while I was using it and tells me to go to bed. I can't because I want to kill my sister. So vivid was what I wanted to do to her that I ended up telling my mom to call the police so that I won't hurt her.

Why? Why did I want to protect her from my anger, when I can barely control it anymore? Why wouldn't my parents understand that there was something wrong with me? I just started bawling.

I don't know what I'm going to do. This is a new level of unstable for me. If it gets worse, I just hope that there's nobody next to me…

1 Comment
  1. sadviolinist 10 years ago

     

    ((((YK)))) ~ I never had siblings so I can't really give any advice but I understand that you're feeling seriously unstable. Can I ask what your sister was doing to make you so mad (besides using your little brother against you)? Just that would infuriate me enough to blow up at her.  I'm sorry things aren't going well and that you're not getting any good sleep. That can easily make you feel unstable too. If you have a therapist I would talk to him/her about all of this, especially wanting to hurt your sister. I see that your parents don't want to see the issues that keep happening right in front of them.  Do you have someone else that you could trust in the family or something that you could talk to when you're upset and feeling unstable?  I'm thinking of you and hoping your day has gotten better somewhat.  Write me if you want to talk more about what's happening…  ~ Key

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