If I end up leaving you all alone, I've discovered a way to let you know.

About my past and suicidal threats…these next words put the bullet in my chest.

I grew up in a very strange way. Brain numbed on pills day after day. My older brother "knew right from wrong", so from age nine he should have known all along.. He shouldn't have touched me, he abused me so bad. I had to swear not a word to HIS mom and dad.

I was adopted into this welcoming home, yet sexual abuse was the only welcome he showed. People think I'm lying or whining too much…well YOU try being so awkwardly touched! From age three to age sixteen and noone even tried to intervene. My parents called me liar, my twin, attention whore. HE just kept pushing me for more! To my limit and over the top, until one day I threatened the cops. He had me slammed so hard to the ground, promised he'd choke me if I made a sound. So I continued to suffer for many long years, until finally I called my twin brother in tears. He told my mom, she finally believed me. She made him apologize!?! Where the FUCK did that leave me?

Scarred and confused, abstinent by choice. I tremble with rage when I hear his voice! I've wanted him dead since I realized defending himself made my statements lies. He will never pay for what he did, nobody cared that I was a FUCKING KID! I hate him, and it grows with time, I'll fucking shoot him if he steps out of line. Now I'm dangerous…it's because of him. He has no idea yet the SHIT that he's in.

As I'm dying with a gun to my head, I'll lower it south to my fucking breast. HA. You like that? You used to ! What's wrong? My bloody, scarred body 's not good enough anymore?! Don't worry Chris, your time will come. But for now, just know, it's your fault I'm gone.

FUCK YOU.

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