I’ve been married for many years. I’ve never cheated, never been tempted to. But lately… I feel this desire to search for a new partner. I’m so tired of my man. He’s the only person in my life, other than our kids, and I’m so lonely all the time. If he would just acknowledge my existence from time to time, it wouldn’t be so bad. When I was pregnant with our kids, he would call me every 2 hours. Now? I get nothing. No text, no calls. When he wakes in the morning and comes to the living room, it’s like I’m not even there. No, hi sweetie, not even a smile and nod. Just ignored.
The only time he pays attention to me is when sex is involved. And the sex is fabulous. My dissatisfaction isn’t from the bedroom. It’s… that the bedroom is ALL we have. We’re fuck buddies, and room mates, and that’s it.
I need him to be my friend. I need him to care, to say hello in the morning, goodbye when he leaves. I need him to respond to my texts, answer my calls, initiate a call or text. I don’t need much. A heart emoji once or twice a week. I mean. god. I’m not a needy attention whore, but I need him to pay me SOME attention. I can’t be invisible anymore.
And of course I’ve expressed this to him. He doesn’t care. He’ll say he’s sorry, but if he still doesn’t bother to do anything, what good is an apology? I don’t want it. I want his love. And since I’m not getting it from him… well, where does that leave me?
Trouble is… I don’t trust people. I don’t trust any other man to not hurt me or my kids. If I could even find a man who would want me. I’m fat, ugly, middle aged, broke. I don’t drink or dance. I’m not into sports and listen to weird music. Who would want me? My own man doesn’t. Why would some stranger?
How awful would it be if I did go out and try to meet a new man only to discover that, as suspected, NO ONE WANTS ME.
And why would any man who might show an interest in me be available for me anyway? What is wrong with them that they’re not already taken? I don’t want a drunk, drugged out, abusive jerk.
My man doesn’t drink or do drugs, doesn’t put his hands on me or our kids. He has a job. What more can a woman ask?
But I’m so very lonely. I want to be courted, wooed, wanted, acknowledged. I want to be loved.
I’m tired of being nothing but a vagina. I want him to love the rest of me.
And since he won’t… what can I do?
What choice do I have?
I can’t live like this much longer. I can’t leave. I don’t want to stay. I’m stuck.
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Are there groups you can join where you can socialize outside the marriage? Doesn’t need to be for dating, just crafting, woodworking, gaming, whatever.
And you’ll find that you’re really worth spending time with by other people.
Sounds like your husband takes you for granted – no one should have to deal with that.
idk. I don’t really know how to look for that kind of thing. I mean, I’ve looked for crafting classes simply because I DO want to learn those skills and not as a social outlet, and I haven’t found anything I want.
I think a very large part of my problem… OUR problem… is my schedule. I work such weird hours it makes it hard for me to do things on normal people time. Good news is, I’m about to lose my job! hurrah! My whole life is about to change in a few months. I am going to seek out a normal job with normal hours so I can live a normal life.
He actually came to talk to me today. I guess he noticed I’ve been getting drunk every day… and I don’t normally drink. I polished off a bottle of vodka in a couple of days and started another. Yes, it was a cry for help. I guess it worked.
I asked him what he needed from me, and all I really got as an answer was “patience” which is kind of shitty. I’ve been patient for 25 years.
And when he asked the same thing… I just reiterated the things I’ve BEEN asking for. His attention and his efforts. So he spent the day cleaning with me… stuff that is his that I don’t dare mess with. I don’t trust it though. Oh, sure, he can make an effort for a day or two, but next week when I’m no longer at this point of obvious misery? When he has his “happy” wife back, I’m certain he’ll go back to his old routines. You can’t change people.
I’m trying to just be patient with own life. In a few months, my life will change and everything will be different. When I have a new job, things will be different. I can’t change him, but I can change me, and I DO need to change, and I’m being forced to change, so we’ll see how that goes
In the meantime… I guess I’ll just keep being patient :/
So he’ll listen long enough to satisfy you for a bit, but then same old same old.
Yeah, don’t be afraid to change to meet your needs, scary as it is! Or as a wise person said, “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”