I had a big fight with my boyfriend this morning. Its a long distance relationship and we have been together for 10 months. On a good week, which is very rare, we see each other 4 times. Generally its 2 -3 times a week. In previous relationships at this stage we would be seeing each other 4-5 times a week.
I'm not handling that really well at the moment. I'm also not handling the fact that I love him and he doesn't love me yet. Its frustrating and the two combined make me feel insecure about the relationship. He suggests no future plans and I've learnt not to. I have told him my problems with these things and the fact that there is very little communication when we are not together.
We have had issues, the both of us, and when we talk about it in ends in tears, not necessarily mine. I have had a lot going on this year – my dad being diagnosed with terminal cancer, my brother dying who had a sexually abused me as a child and something else that was quiet big that i don't want to say as I may be judged on it harshly by some people and I don't need that.
The biggest fight we had was about me being controlling, which I am not most of the time. He made out that I was always controlling when in the end he worked out that he was giving me all the control and I didn't want it. I.E Him- What do you want to do today? Me- I don't know, what ever you like? Him- we could do (three options given) Me- option 2.
Me choosing the option was me being controlling when what it really was about was him not wanting to upset me so he never said what he wanted.
So the pendulum swings and I've become the subservant, constantly apologetic girlfriend. This was starting to concern me but I felt like I couldn't talk to him anymore because he got so upset and made me feel like I was constantly nagging him.
A week ago he turned from this bitter person towards me to this loving, caring, thoughtful boyfriend. I was wary, guarded. Wondered what had made this turn around.
So this morning i say I felt the power is now all his and he says he knows he just realised that and was wondering how to change it. I said I was unsure why he was being so nice. He said because he finally felt like I respected him…….I need to write all this stuff because I'm starting to get a better perspective. I'm at a place right now where I don't know whats right and wrong.
Basically, I'm an upfront person who likes to talk about any issues that might be having a detrimental affect on the relationship or me. He prefers to build up anger and resentment and say nothing until I drag it out of him. I want people to tell me if I've done something wrong so I can try and fix it.
Anyway, we both reached a point of nearly breaking up and still considering it, we keep getting to this place. He says that no matter what he does, I'm not happy and all I want is better communication and some more time with him.
I know this is long and I may not get any responses because of that, but I would dearly like any feedback. I am completely confused and unsure of everything right now.