i met this incredible person…incredible only in a simple..rare..perfect fit kind of way. someone introduced me. a lady at an art studio met me by chance and is sort of being my friend and teaching me to paint better and stuff… so she wanted me to meet this girl. i met her briefly and thought she was gonna be a jerk, but i liked her a lot!

but i think ill probably never meet her again. 🙁 she probably didnt like me too much, she was just stopping by the place to meet me and left early dissapointed. probably. i made a facebook again so i could friend her,  and she hasnt responded yet, its been a few days. i read on her page shes thinking of moving somewhere else for the rest of the summer 🙁 🙁

I ALMOST had a friend my own age/date. 🙁 🙁 🙁

im all messed up now because i avoided crushing on anyone for like four years and now this happens out of nowhere. i cant handle it and im getting super emotional and everythings depressing me and making me want to cry.

especially facebook where i have twenty-something people listed from old schools who i have no communication with ever. its so embarrasing if they see me. my wall comments are from 08. i dont even like most of these people. i left little replys to some and made some status updates but no one liked them or said anything to me at all. the lady friended me though. 🙂 🙁

i deleted my facebook 3 times already, it\'s really ridiculous. it always makes me feel awful. this is all terrible.

this is all ive been thinking about the past week. she might be leaving, checking facebook over and over, never any messages or acknowledgement, feeling awful seeing it. taking lots of caffeine and dexedrine to be at my best every time i go to the studio even though it makes me feel awful, just on the off chance she\'ll be there this time, she never is.