March 17th my brother in law went into the hospital with chest pains that he had been ignoring for the past 3 years and ended up having to be put on the national heart transplant list because his heart was working at 30% . They ended up doing an angioplasty on the 29th. He was up and walking the halls complaining of gas and the nurse told him to go back to his room they would be with them in a minute when he went to turn around and collapsed – they tried to revive him for 20 minutes and they could revive him. So my brother-in-law who was married to my older sister Tracy died due to complication of severe chronic heart disease that could have been prevented if he had listened to his body- but at 46 he was layed to rest.

I have to tell you this hit me like a ton of brick. My sister turned on me used my disordered and medications against me in fights began to tell people who I didnt know that I was a drug addict. I took it as the 5 stages of grief. But it still hurt me inside so much that I was going to stop taking all my medications. Because I am tired of having my mental illness used against me in a negative way.

Lets see what else has been going on.  Umm on a lighter note I officially pain for my dentist to go to Paradise Islands in Nassau because of all the dental work he has been doing on me.

I joined my towns first aid squad so I am totally looking forward to helping others in need. Even though my psychotherapist says that I am not ready because I am not focusing on me. But I sat down one day and thought about what made me happy and it was when I heard those horns go off and the pager go off and I was off to save a life or just transport someone to the hospital.

On the 14th of April I entered Rehab. I committed myself because I wanted so much to stop all my medications and which was a way of hurting myself and I saw that. I called my husband at work told him what I was gonna do and after work drove to the crisis unit at the hospital I work at and committed my self for 5 days. I have to say that I did get alot out of those 5 days and now I am in intensive outpatient therapy 3x a week for the next 8 weeks. YEAH ME ::: sarcasm:::

That is pretty much what has been going on in my life for the past month. I havent really been chatty.

I would really love to chat with people who have been in my situation: