I posted on facebook on how i wanted to kill myself, i was lookingh forward to it. Probably shouldnt have been drving home tho. Thinking of how my mom just wishes she thinks she shouldnt have had kids and how she just wanted to die. So why dont i just drive into the middle of an intersection? I mean why not. Her wish would be granted. Now that i think of it (im in a better mood) im holding back tears now to the fact that i almost did it. MY mom saw that i posted i wanted to kill myself and i was trying to talk on the phone with justin and she came in and i just wanted her to leave, but she insisted i went with her, so i was crying real bad just telling her to leave me alone…thats all i truly wanted. Eventually she did but she left saying whatever. Which to me is just a bad word to use cause when she does she always sounds mad so i get upset more. Poor justin was on the phone the whole time. Hearing me go from bad to worse. Which he has been there with me before in worse times, so i know even if i sound retarded he would stick it out with me, which makes me happy. <3 Just wish there were more people who would understand like that. Justin and i have known each other for about 4 years or 5? And we have dated for about 7 months. But i dumped him and now that were talking he seems to have matured. and i would love a relationship with him, but im so scared. Im so fncking scared of losing him if we were to go into a relationship. He doesnt like the distance which is why he says he doesnt want one. I know hes worried about how it ended between us last time. Which i feel bad about. Id love to go live down there with him, but all together i just wanna move out of this neighborhood. Sadly i think if i did move down south they would critisize me for being so "black" Growing up near detroit it just happens. and i know there are few where he lives. I guess i just worry way too much. Thats what iv been told anyways…