I’m not sure why I am writting a blog.  I guess it is like journaling, and I need to get my thoughts down in black and white so I can see where I am at.

Out-patient therapy has been a little more helpful these last couple of days and so I hope to continue on with the outpatient therapies until I get stronger and can fend for myself outside of four hours of therapy every morning.  I’m having a difficult time tracking down a therapist that is going to accept what my Humana Insurace pays without receiving the co-pays.  I keep plugging away each day doing what little I feel up too pursuing.  I have a few leads but nothing definitive is happening.

Each day after outpatient therapy, I run a couple of errands and make a couple of phone calls and that’s it.  I feel drained and a little hopeless.  I miss the heck out of my laptop (which was confiscated by the local police).  I came to the library today too check my emails and because I was bored at home and wanting to get out.

I have dug a deep deep hole for myself and currently can’t see my way out.  It feels like I am feeling my way around in the dark.  I keep reminding myself that I really don’t know what anything is for, and that God/Holy Spirit will fill in the gaps for me as I go along. 

If only I could have avoided being arrested and having my laptop and money confiscated.  I miss my computer dearly at home.  On the upside, I am being forced to get out of my apartment more often.  But I don’t have any money to do anything (like fix my car or see the dentist to get my teeth fixed).

I feel more trapped than ever right now…I need and want to move into a cheaper apartment.  My car is on the verge of some serious problems if I don’t get it fixed soon ( I need two new rotors, two new belts,  two new tires, and my left front turning signal fixed).

I hate this blog…it is filled with a ton of negativity and hopelessness.

  1. ladyshadows52 11 years ago

    It may be a good thing that you had your laptop taken.  I am on my laptop right now and I find myself even more holed up in my home than ever.  I think the outdoors does a lot of good.  Maybe you could find yourself another hobby?  You seem to enjoy writing.  What about creative writing, poetry or even drawing?

    I hope things start working themselves back into place for you soon!

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  2. Baggs 11 years ago

    real sorry you are struggling – you helped me when I was down and I won”t forget it – good luck

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  3. WadeAlexander72 11 years ago

    When it comes to your car, I”m not sure if you”ve ever seen the show "Pimp My Ride" or not, but my car is such a wreck even they wouldn”t touch it. I have more wrong with it than good. My main car color is "scratch" tood. 🙁

    I feel trapped a lot as well and unfortunately there”s no quick fix for it. The only thing you can do is one step at a time (which sounds horribly cliched and it is, but it”s true really) and you will get out of the hole. You just need to give it time (which I know is easier said than done).

    On your car I”d go for the belts first. If they snap you”re dead in the water. Then do the rotors. One trick about garages – if you know what you need on your car, if you pick up the part yourself first and then go to the garage it can be a bit cheaper. They usually kill you on parts (not to mention labor).

    Take care of yourself and I hope things pick up soon.


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