I wanted to write a letter that explained my motivations so they could at least understand I wasn’t being malicious and also so I could start letting go. This is the beginnings of that….
On Saturday, June 7th, 2009, I made a phone call to Family Services. I have several reasons as to why I did this. When Laura asked me on the phone why I had done this, I told her, “Because I love you and I want you to live and be happy”. My actions were not based upon anything but the love I have for all of you and my desire to see everyone happy, healthy, and safe. I have no wish for a divorce between you two. I have wished for the family to get the help it needs to get healthy, and ever since the night Laura called the house, desperate for protection from her own husband, I have been extremely fearful for everyone’s safety in that house, including Shawn’s.
I never thought I’d witness domestic violence in my own family, at the very least never from my own brother. It’s because I witnessed this anger and violence coming from you, Shawn, that I believe you do indeed have a problem with substance abuse. I do not believe that anything other than the struggle with the disease of addiction could have elicited this kind of behavior from you. I have always known you to be kind and gentle, and nothing less. Because I have known you to be as such, I know something’s not right when you act otherwise. I myself have witnessed the extreme personality change that occurs when you are drinking, and I believe the problem is substance addiction.
When I made that phone call, it was because I could no longer sit with the thought of losing any one of you to the consequences that come with ignoring the disease of addiction. We have been over and over different solutions and sources of help, and they have been met with refusal or simply no follow through—this pattern has been repeating itself for years. Simply put, no-one (including myself) was taking action. I still believe I ought to have called the police the night Shawn attacked Laura, I still can’t believe that I acquiesced to non-action because the neighbors would have seen the police cars. The safety of my loved ones should have been more important than what the neighbors might think.
My mother witnessed a similar situation the Friday night before the Saturday that I made the call to Family Services. I felt it was time for something to be done. If something had happened to any one of you because I had chosen not to do anything to help, I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I could have done something to help. I chose to call Family Services, because nothing was being done, despite help being offered many times over the years from various sources. I even consulted my own therapist and my own doctors to see what other kinds of help they knew about. The problem is, if you don’t want the help, you are under no obligation to take it. I honestly felt as if neither of you, Shawn and Laura, were serious about getting help.
Because I went through two relationships with two different addicts (one of those relationships being extremely abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically), and because the disease of addiction is so very prevalent in my family, I don’t want that for anyone else, especially not two people who I love so much. I believe in you two, I believe you can be so much happier and healthier than you are right now.