Life Behind the Smile

Tears do not exist here, they were banished long ago

The humor cannot hide the pain, the lack of my soul

I see the memories in Technicolor vividness

They are constant companions, the only who visit

Night brings no relief from the facade I must live

Agony is the only reality in which I exist

You see for a short moment, when the mask falls

What I know to be life in these mirrored halls

The reflections that shine back to my eyes

Are nothingness but sorrowful lies

The things I must tell you, that I say

Only for you to not see, I'm not okay

Here I sit as the person I have forever been

The only one I can be because of their sin

This person you have met only briefly

But you are not strong enough for the entirety

So the loneliness envelops my mind

Not moving forward, scared to look behind

I have closed the door and it is locked

Not to protect me, but to keep the shock

For if you knew it all what would you see

Not the truth of what I am, the whole of me

I am her, the young girl who feared the demon

The child who could not control seeing them

You would feel what for my state?

Pity of the condition? Empathy for my fate?

Would you pat my head and make a promise?

Then when the truth continued, turn in disgust?

The latter I know to be true, for I have seen

They all say they understand, what they mean

Is I will stay for the crisis, but not the fight

For all the promise, I look; I'm alone in the night

So with a mask firmly in place, the smile

I look out to this bright shiny world, defiled

What am I behind the mask is my weight

I just pray when honesty comes it isn't too late

Because behind the smile is the fear

Behind the fake is my own despair

Living in these halls where I look out

No one sees inside, no hears the shout

The screaming inside my ravaged soul

The questioning looks as I ask to be whole

The dreams turned to nightmares while still awake

Monsters that tear, gnash, claw, and only take

Yes, behind the smile there is no laughter

That was taken long ago by the master

At my suffering, he finds all his delights

My locking in this hell gives him more might

So as I practice this illusion for you

I am not really alone, even if I could choose

Because it is here still, all the while

His demonic scars are all behind the smile

 ©2012