I have always been really private about my sculptures. They are almost like diaries. They are abstract pieces, some clay, some plaster, that represent different periods of my life. Not long ago, I decided to break with my policy (art is meant to be shared, right?) and show them at Holy Mountain’s Carnival of Curiosity. Now, they are in the window display of a local gallery (along with a slew of my photos), and I couldn’t be prouder. Yay!
My medications finally seem to be balancing out a little. Yay! I feel like I am gaining on sanity. Even when it sucks (striking the right balance has been a sickening pain in the ass) I try to hang in. It's like I am climbing on an impossible incline, but I keep finding hand holds. For now, I am not falling.
I think it's worth mentioning that I've been off heroin for a year and one month, now. That's obviously as key to this whole thing as the medication. After all, it was my own little rogue attempt at self medicating. I thought I was treating the pain of a gut wrenching life. Now, I know I was nursing an imbalance, and I never stood a chance without meds. After getting off that shit, I needed the mood stabilizers. Lamictal made a huge difference. I took that alone for quite a while, but it did not fully supress the mania. Since I was more aware of my manic tendencies, it became more and more unbearable. Now, Risperdal seems to be taking me to the next level (something closer to normal). I have a great doctor, and I am really lucky. I am lucky to be alive.
I don't know if I would be alive if I hadn't found this site. Ace, who I met here, talked me through some really horrible moments when I was trying to kick. When I needed to vent, I blogged, and you will were all there to listen. Some of you even talked back. A lot of you read what I was writing, and being heard like that made a huge difference.
I know I have said it before, but I wanted to say it again: thank you for being there.