I feel like shit. My health is bad so therefore my emotional state is bad. Most of my issues are due to my health and the other half due to outside sources. I just don’t want to have those outside sources always interfere with the stuff I’m already dealing with. My family has always been a source of a lot of stress and irritation. Just when I decide to distance myself from them we have a family crisis. Now that that crisis is almost solved I feel like I’ll be able to breath again. Take my life back. It sucks when you’re part of a family and when something happens everyone “comes together” I end up doing everything to hold everything and everyone together. Then I get yelled at because I didn’t do something or forget. Like I don’t have a life work and kids. Not to mention my bad health. I am just ready to distance myself from everyone. It’s destroying me. I love them all but they are no good for my emotional well being. I also have to work on stuff at home so that’s another thing. My eldest son who is supposed to be helping me out financially is not. He walks around like it’s ok. I’m ready to kick him out too. I’m working less than part time and am barely making ends meet. My boyfriend decides to quite his job because it’s too stressful and a dead end. He’s only been there since feb. It a stressful piece of shit job but at least have a back up plan. He been out of work for almost a month now and rent is coming up and I won’t have enough money to pay it. Bit no one gives a shit that I have to hustle it up somehow. Or that I’m sick everyday and irritable cause my brain just won’t let me have a moments rest. All that and trying to be there to support my other son who has finally started extensive therapy for his behavior issues. (He has high functioning autism). My son’s dad is also being an ass and not wanting to participate fully in these therapies. It always about him and not what’s best for our son. He’s a selfish prick. I just want to run away with my son and just not deal with everyone else. I hate this feeling of despair. My soul is tired and beaten up. With all this I have managed to start walking. This is a good start for me so I can start exercising again. I have been home doing nothing for the past 6 months and it has been devastating to my health. I feel like I’m dying but I don’t want to. I have so much to do yet. I just want to be well again. I want to be there for my son and help him get through this fucked up life the best way he can. I need to get well. I just have to….

1 Comment
  1. whoami2 4 years ago

    Last January I made a new year’s resolution to never again judge anybody, along with myself, and so far so good. The worst form of criticism is of self, the second worst of, from other people.

    Usually self-criticism is born in childhood re the labels many of the elder folk placed on us, and of course this is where we learned to be critical of others in return.

    Being non-judgmental is life transforming, so I urge you to give it a shot.

    Self-respect, or being kind to yourself is also worth giving a shot, because what we tend to do as humans is follow the leader, if you are seen being kind to yourself then others well treat you in the same way.

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