This time of year can be very depressing if you are alone in it. I know this is how I feel and I am surrounded by people. I also feel like this time of year was meant for love, this is what makes us so miserable without someone who understands us and roots for us and challenges us in the most positive ways. Not for me though, I'm stuck with doctor visits and prescription drugs and it's just… lonely as hell. Isn't it?

I'm spending new years at my big brothers house. Someone I've never been extremely close to but I love with all I have. Which, admittedly, is not much… but I digress. New years. At my brothers. With a family that I have never really felt like I was a part of. I know they love me deep down, but they just don't understand. And with this puzzlement comes a lot of distance and confusion about what I need and who I am. They are either trying to force me to join in on their celebrations or leaving me to hibernate in another room. They don't get that all I really want is someone to sit with me and to talk to me. I think. I think I just want them all to care that I am here too, even if it's not in the same way they are. If that makes any sense. Probably not.

 

See, I'm a fool too, so how can I expect them to understand me? Will I ever have someone who just instinctively knows how to deal with me? Iam yearning for something that I don't really have a full grasp of. Oh well.

 

HAPPY NEW YEARS to you all and may you be blessed with a little less loneliness than what I have in my pocket. And please remember, even if no one else is, I'm still rooting for you.

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