Alright, Here is a note to any and all who read this Blog. The last few Days ive had things on my mind that never ever have crossed my mind before. I have death on my mind…Not my own mind you but death in general.I'm usually the Happy and upbeat person that keeps everyone happy and full of life..but even i have my somber days. I joined this site to Support Chained_Down, and that is what i have been doing. This blog is a culmination of all my thoughts for the last few days. I know Amy will be reading this, she doesnt want me blogging any more for some peculiar reason that im not privy too 😛 so till i get a good enough reason, im gonna be blogging when the mood strikes me. I love you Koala girl and I'd wrap the moon in a bow and give it to you if it meant seeing you around in the future. Hopefully some day within the next few months we will be able to hold one another like we're suppose to. Ok now onto the main event. 😀
What happens when two people find each other and it seems like a galaxy seperates them but they manage to fall for each other regardless of the distance? What happens when one of them finds out that the other is having a monumental struggle just finding the will and strength to continue living, even when life beats them down and kicks them while they're on the ground gasping…over and over again? What happens when they let you have even a measure of control over their life, yet resist you left and right even if the direction your taking them in is the correct path?
They love you and you love them. You love each other more than life itself, yet the reaper stands over one of you and tugs at their sleeve. What happens when your a ghost at home, When your past that you cant even remember torments you every single night of your life and makes it so that even the sanctuary of your own mind isnt a safe haven any longer, but a mind roasting hell that singes your brain every time you try and reteat to your own thoughts.
Now please realize that i do not long for death or want to die anytime soon. I want to live for a very long and very full life. but i want to share it with someone who deserves every single kind thought that mankind can possible come up with. but i would like to have an opinon on how it feels to want to die, even if you love and care for someone. what does it feel like to get the courage to finally get that rope. Find that perfect spot. Wait for that perfect moment. Put the rope around your neck and step off that platform. you love someone. but apparently love and pain are an equal problem solved by an equal solution. What does it feel like to be able to not breath. grasping at that rope and still longing for death. knowing that your other half no matter how far away they are, still doesnt want you gone…they want you right there beside them holding you close and keeping you safe. You feel your vision fades and finally your there….no more pain…no more love…your finally at your destination…but you left the love of your life behind when they were willing to help you get away from the pain that you so desperately long to get away from. In The end is it worth it? is it worth it? are you worth it to them? is ending the pain more important than the ones you love?
Ok so i am done brooding i feel better just getting these thoughts out and im Mr. Positive again lol. I hope you read this and tell me what you think. you dont have to answer the questions they were just kinda weighing me down. um…any thoughts or concerns or just wanna talk you can msg me. Ill try and get back to you as soon as i can.