Well I initially wrote this as a forum post but then something screwed up and it wouldn\'t post… as you can tell, I\'m very new to this site.
And now I get to rewrite my whole message.. yay… lol. Like I said, I\'m hoping to find help here. My anxiety is getting to a point I\'m not sure how I can handle or what to do.
I don\'t really want to write the whole long message I made before about my past with anxiety. I\'ll just give the gist of the current situation… My anxiety had been fine and nonexistant for quite some time until I came home from school this summer. Even though I wasn\'t doing anything, no work, no … nothing, I was stressed. I couldn\'t sleep, I couldn\'t calm down, I was grinding my teeth, my ears were ringing. I realized something was wrong, so I decided to see my psychologist (the M.D. whichever that is) for the first time in about three years. He put me back on the medication I was on before, Celexa. I visited him again before I went back to school, and he raised my dose a bit. So now I\'m taking a daily 15mg of celexa.
Currently I\'m a sophomore in college. I\'ve tried to do what I can to help my anxiety. I left my sorority because it was putting too much pressure on me. I tried to meditate. For a while, I was fine. But it seems like, once I crack, I can\'t put myself back together. One of the worst side effects of celexa is the dreams. I have incredebly vivid, bizarre dreams. Normally these dreams are meaningless, but last week I had a horrific nightmare. So bad that I had the worst panic attack I\'ve experienced in several years. I haven\'t had a panic attack since then, but I\'ve felt like complete crap. Even though celexa has helped with my insomnia, and I get a good 8 hours of sleep or more every night, i still feel tired constantly. I feel like I can\'t function. I\'m depressed or angry or frustraited. I picked up smoking, though not regularly, for when I\'m stressed out because it calms me. I don\'t like that I\'ve done this. I think it\'s incredebly disgusting, but the way I explained it to my friends it that when you can never feel like you can calm down, and this one thing relaxes your whole self, it\'s hard not to do.
I feel a bit like I\'m spiralling out of control. The anxiety has made me depressed. I feel weak and worthless, life feels worthless. I don\'t know how to function anymore, how to get over any of this. I don\'t know what I\'m supposed to do to pick myself back up. School feels unimportant and unneedfully taxing. Since none of my friends have anxiety disorders, they might relate to me through their own problems, but none of them know what I should do either…
I don\'t expect anyone to be able to offer the magical answer, but even knowing someone else out there has felt the same… anything. I just need some kind of help, some support, so I don\'t keep slipping down this bad path.