It’s been close to three months since I tried to kill myself, but I’m finally heading back to work. I am not returning to work because I have recovered, or because I particularly feel like working, rather that there is nothing else for me to do.
Sitting at home all day with nothing to do does not make me feel better. The weekends are especially bad when I get left at home by myself with nothing to do. The only people that care are the people that I hate (my family).
Anyway that’s not important.
It doesn’t matter what I do anymore.
I told my sister that I was leaving for work on Tuesday this afternoon and I already regret it. I would have much preferred to return to fly in fly out without telling anybody at all. I had the option of flying up the day after I rang my line manager, and I regret not leaving straight away. I decided against it due to the awkward logistics of getting to and from site.
When I return to work it will be extremely hard dealing with my workmates, and when I fly back again I still won’t have a life to come home to. All in all returning to work isn’t something I want to do, but it needs to be finished.
I need to finish off what I started. I’m not leaving behind any more loose ends.