I hate the thought of having to debate on my happiness or his, this meaning either let him stay and abuse me or finally leave and find happiness.  It seems so simple for many and I do wish I had more in me to make the right decision.  How is it I put myself in danger over calling the police? What is wrong with me? Why am I waiting for it to get worse?  Worse than scars, concussions and a broken bone? Why can I not just realize that things will always be the same and just take the jump?  Just be honest with everyone around me how everything is absolutely not perfect.  I hate this about myself.  I don’t know if I’ll every have the strength to put myself first.