Adam Cohen uses 'Who I/you are and who I/you invent' thought in 'Cry, Ophelia' and in his Low Millions tune 'Statue'. As a guy who has tried to make a career in music in the shadow of his poet/singer dad Leonard Cohen, it probably means a lot to him.

It strikes a chord with me, because I don't know exactly who I am. I think I'm done trying to mirror other people's character in order to fit in (it never works anyway). But I do display some parts of me more forcefully than others depending on who I am with or talking to. Is that being dishonest? 

If I'm hanging out with someone who really loves photography, but doesn't care about politics, should I start talking about politics? 

And do we ever become someone, or are we just always inventing ourselves? I was once a self diagnosed (I use that word carefully) born again Christian, but I wouldn't describe myself that way now. I was once a family man with a house on a suburban road and middle class values, I don't believe in those values anymore, but have understanding for those who take them up. I was once a single dad with an overprotective, domineering parental role, but feel I wronged my kids for not being trusting enough, caring enough. 

The only core thing I know is when I was first moved away from home, I had a paycheque and a backpack. I always liked the freedom of that slice of time. Had no responsibilities outside of showing up for work, no material wealth or baggage, and just wanted to experience life. 

Fuck, this is just becoming a ramble now and it's getting me depressed. Guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure who I am… 47 and I still don't know who I am. I've raised two kids mainly by myself, have married and divorced, have worked in a very serious job where lives are at stake for over 2 decades now, just finished up a BA near the top of my class, but still don't know who I am, where I'm going, or who I want to be. I always feel like a phony. 

If I come off that way to anyone, I'm sorry. It's not done on purpose. Maybe I'll take my juggling balls and guitar and run away to the circus. 

Peace

 

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