Today I’ve been a little stir crazy. I was off but my brother got home early aka woke me up with the tv which he always leaves loud even if I’m asleep, so that probably didn’t help. I think maybe because he got home so early its put me off since I treasure my alone time and capitalize it to sing (I can’t really do it with people around, they often get annoyed that it’s to late or they’re trying to watch something on tv) I’ve alternated between television, drawing, music, singing, and attempting to rest but to no avail. I’m not sure why I feel so constricted and bound today in particular but I do. My mom’s been sick and I try to leave pressure off her but it makes everything harder, she’s the glue that holds us together.
I’ve noticed my anxiety’s been up more lately with my ocd. I notice my obsessions sneaking back at me. I fear my meds might have to be upped again, which I don’t like the idea of generally. I’ve had some worries and rituals trying to convince me if I don’t do something or do then my current relationship will be cursed and not work in the end. I feel its feeding off the fact that I’m deeply in love and is trying to hurt my security and make me paranoid. It’s just one of those things I guess, I can fix everyone but me.
Tomorrow is Tuesday and I’ll be back in Juvenile justice and environmental conservation. I get along WAY better with guys so being 1 of only 8 girls in a class of 32 in J.Justice should be fun and I’m sure I’ll manage to make some new friends in there. I wonder why I connect better with men, I don’t have anything against women, all my female friends were from high school and only a few girls aside from that have I really gotten close with. Makes me wonder if there’s something wrong with me. But either way, that should be an interesting class with lots of people to talk to. E. Conservation looks to be okay, but not as interesting I suspect and only a few people who are interesting in my opinion.
Well, despite my internal feelings of practically vibrating with energy within myself, I’m hopeful about the rest of the night. My beau will be on later and that’ll help me feel better, as well as my friends. They really keep me together sometimes J. And woohoo, the bachelor’s on tonight AND Hoarders!