ok so i was in work the other night, and we are short staffed at the moment as lots of poeple who worked there have gone back to college etc so i was helpiing out serving food etc rather than being behind the bar. Anyway i went over to a table of young people, id imagine they were all under 30, or at the most in theeir early 30's, anyway i went over and exchanged the usual pleastrys and asked for their order,,they were all friendly etc, anyway when i took the order i went off and sent it in the kitchen , went back to set up their table with cutlery etc when one of the young guys says to me

; no matter what you have done in your past, it doesnt matter , god stil loves you' and he hands me one  of those miraculous medals….

i didnt know what to do, id say i gave him a strange look cos it was a starnge thing to happen…. but i was nice and just kind of laughed or something and said thanks.

I felt weird afterwards… im not paticurally religious or anything, in fact im like alot of people , i say 'please god dont let this happen' or 'Please god get me out of this one' when things are  going bad. I dont go to mass or anything, not even at christmas, although once or twice i have found myself sitting at thea end of a church for a few mintues in the past year or so. I dont know why i went in, one time i rememeber it was justt after court and i was after being locked in a cell, arrested and kept in custody over night on outstanding warrents and i was dying sick (i was still using at the time) and i had about 10 or 15valium on me which i swallowed in the sergents office cos i knew i wouldnt get any sleep for the night so i swalloed the lot of them before the copper could get over the tabel and get them off me, welll i went to the cells for the night and kept asking for the doctor , which i didnt get untill about 10 mins before i was being brought to coourt, at this stage i was in a pretty bad way, after being without any gear for almost a full day (thank god i got those tablets into me) anyway the doc gave me methadone, which gave me a buzz and a few tabs, more than i know he was supposed to give me – i guess he felt sorry for me , he couldnt believe id been left in the cells since 1pm the day before with no doctor called and going through withdrawels(the coppers only did that cos i took the tabs) Anyway im getting a bit off the point, i went to court the next morning with  the fresh shoplifting charge id been nicked for and the warrents-3 in all and i was 100% sure i was going to prision, but the judge let me go!  i couldnt believe it, i cant even remember why she let me go now but she did bail me and i was so happy. I walked out of the court,and up through town and as i was passing the church i just turned back and went in, lit a candle and satt down for 5 mins. I said thanks to whoever was listening and nnot long after that i got on  the clinic and off the gear.

I jjust dont understand why that guy said that to me, was it just because i was there and he decicded to give it to me , or did he see something in me, past hurts and scars? or would he have done the same to another waitress?? then before he went he told me they were having meetings in the church all week and if i wanted i was welcome to come along. I very politley refused, saying what with work, college etc i wouldnt have the time but he just said thats ok, you have your medal , and the offer is open to go to the church any time, not just this week.

I wonder who they were, would they have been like a break away cult type thing? or just a prayer group? i should have asked cos its annoying me now …… the whole thing just seems strange to me, It may seem totally normal to someone else that goes to church etc , maybe thats why i feel weird about it? I just dont know what to make of it all?!!!

Apart frm that im feeling good, havent taken any tablets (valium etc) in 2 days now, i had leg pains etc last night and unlike me , i came home from work around 11pm and sat on my bed, an woke this morning fully clothed still!!! my ma said she tried to wake me but i was out cold. Its the first proper nights sleep iv had in a month. I feel good today. I hope ur all doing good. xxx



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