So honestly, I just feel miserable and tired of pretending to be okay. I will talk on the phone with family or text friends for a while and they will have absolutely no idea that I have tears streaming down my face on the other end of the phone. When I go on a zoom call for school I make up stupid excuses for why I didn’t get my work done because I don’t want to tell my teacher that the real reason is that I couldn’t even drag myself out of bed so some essay would be virtually impossible for me to do. I’m tired of my parents saying that I’m gaming all day when I’m really just upstairs trying so hard to get my work done but can’t concentrate because all I can think about is how I’ll just fail the assignment.
Honestly, I wish that someone in my life would just notice that something’s up. I’m tired of being seen as the “always happy” friend when I only act happy because I’m ignored by my classmates when my feelings become “inconvenient” to those around me.
Thanks for reading my rant. If you have any advice I will happily take it.
I know the feeling. That was me all through school. Discuss your concentration with a therapist. I didn’t for the longest time and was always perceived as bipolar because I was “always happy” but on any given moment would lash out in anger. A few years after high school I saw a therapist and told them I refuse meds and I know bipolar isn’t my issue. After a while we came to a conclusion that I was dealing with depression and extreme high of adhd which causes high aggression from time to time because the mind is everywhere.
To remain med free it took a while but I had to find the right amount of caffeine to balance.
The depression is another issue.
Least you are accused of playing games all day. I got accused and randomly drug tested. Always clean. It’s a nightmare but some of us understand.
I know you probably get this a lot by people pretending to understand in your life, but I understand. I feel your pain. I can get aggressive. Really aggressive, and accidentally hurt people. It’s like I get tunnel vision. Depression is making me it’s bitch. I’m here if you ever need to talk. Feel free to reach out. I’ve got you back love.