So how do I start this…
How do you get upset because of nothing? Or maybe it’s not nothing, it’s something that I’ve overlooked. Explaining what I feel right now is difficult. It’s like a mix of being upset, jealousy, hopelessness, and extreme sadness. Like I have something extremely heavy sitting on my chest, trying to dig its way into my ribs and rip it apart. What do you call this?
Maybe it’s the fact that no one really cares. I have this one friend who I used to tell almost everything, but she has her own problems, so I started to pull away from her so that I wouldn’t bother her as much anymore. I’ve been talking to people on the Vent app, but I really don’t want to bother them either. I guess venting everything out here helps a bit… But this website isn’t really active, if you all know what I mean.
Or maybe the nightmares are finally getting to me in reality. Usually, I would see my friends killed in… a variety of ways. Sometimes, they’re the ones killing me. Other times, I would be forced to kill them. I would wake up panicked, and then realize that it was just a dream. I get these nightmares almost every night. On the nights where there isn’t any death, it’s endless torture.
Actually. I think it might be because all my friends are fighting, and I know I shouldn’t enjoy it, but I am. There is something severely wrong with me, laughing when my group is in turmoil and when my friends are about to be in pain.
I’ve been told that I need help. Help is so hard to get though… Got any advice?