So how do I start this…

How do you get upset because of nothing? Or maybe it’s not nothing, it’s something that I’ve overlooked. Explaining what I feel right now is difficult. It’s like a mix of being upset, jealousy, hopelessness, and extreme sadness. Like I have something extremely heavy sitting on my chest, trying to dig its way into my ribs and rip it apart. What do you call this?

Maybe it’s the fact that no one really cares. I have this one friend who I used to tell almost everything, but she has her own problems, so I started to pull away from her so that I wouldn’t bother her as much anymore. I’ve been talking to people on the Vent app, but I really don’t want to bother them either. I guess venting everything out here helps a bit… But this website isn’t really active, if you all know what I mean.

Or maybe the nightmares are finally getting to me in reality. Usually, I would see my friends killed in… a variety of ways. Sometimes, they’re the ones killing me. Other times, I would be forced to kill them. I would wake up panicked, and then realize that it was just a dream. I get these nightmares almost every night. On the nights where there isn’t any death, it’s endless torture.

Actually. I think it might be because all my friends are fighting, and I know I shouldn’t enjoy it, but I am. There is something severely wrong with me, laughing when my group is in turmoil and when my friends are about to be in pain.

I’ve been told that I need help. Help is so hard to get though… Got any advice?

2 Comments
  1. lone-ranger 3 years ago

    as having general anxiety disorder myself I find it extremely difficult to deal with my struggles (eg) feeling useless and getting upset over everything and nothing plus some it’s so hard to stay and feel positive when the negative thoughts intrude into your brain try not to class yourself as pathetic or any other negative names remember to laugh and smile and cry when you need to

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  2. ladycolossus 3 years ago

    Your post reads like someone with very deep empathy. Feeling so much and so intensely can create a battle inside. I can totally relate to this. Help is hard to find. But sites and apps like you mentioned do exist and I think it’s great you’re venting here. I find when I can’t seem to get any help anywhere that if I step back and try to figure out exactly what I need help with, I can kind of narrow down my resources. If that makes sense. Expressing my needs is something I struggled with for a very long time and I think it’s good that you are able to express your feelings here. Sometimes, release of all of the pent up stuff is exactly what’s needed. Do you write your dreams down? I try to keep a record of them and look for common themes. It helps. You seem like you have a good sense of the possibilities of interpretations in your own dreams and I think that’s pretty amazing as well.

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