It’s been four months since I started seeing my therapist. I’ve gotten better mentally and physically. With her help, my support system, and the medication, I’ve climbed most of the way out of the hole of my depression. There are no more crying spells, barely any bouts of sadness as there was before. Some days can be harder than others still but I’ve been able to climb over them with my new ways of coping. The depression seems mainly in the past now, but I’m starting to see a larger hole with my anxiety. I’ve been having episodes of anxiety out of nowhere and neither me or my therapist can pinpoint what the common trigger is. Just last Tuesday I had a panic attack in my office at my internship. Thankfully everyone else was in their office when it happened, but now it has me worrying about it happening again. Just a week ago I was being triggered into a full blown sensory meltdown. My hair felt like it wasn’t sitting right and seeing things in my apartment was just starting to actually make me angrier. I coped and stopped it by laying on my couch and forcing myself to focus on YouTube videos until the immense anger passed. I told all of this to my therapist and she believes that with these episodes getting worse, that I might have a panic disorder. She made notes to my psychiatrist and to make sure I talk to her about it at my next appointment.
To top all of this off, I’m starting to realize if I want to even go down for Thanksgiving with my family. I feel like they may just make the anxiety worse than it already is. I don’t want them giving me full blown panic attacks cause of their damn issues.