Hi all, its me again…you're probably all annoyed at how many times I've posted things on this exact topic, but unfortunatly this is what my OCD is centered around, which I really hate, because I'm so tired of it.
I know that honesty is key to a strong relationship, and I want open communication between me and my boyfriend, but I'm afraid that he knows TOO much about me and how I think. My mother always tells me to play these "games," when in a relationship, or just with guys in general:
-Don't let him be too sure of you, play hard to get, don't always be around or he'll take advantage of you and won't want you as much anymore. Make him worry about how much YOU love him, keep him on his toes, never let a man know that you're afraid of losing him and NEVER let them know that you're insecure!"
She has bought me several books on this subject, like "Why Men Love Bitches," and "He's Just Not That Into You," books like that, so you get the idea of what I've been taught about relationships growing up…and guess what?? I'M EXACTLY WHAT EVERY ONE OF THOSE BOOKS TELL ME NOT TO BE! I have ROCD, and a very severe case, where I can't "pretend" that I'm not afraid of losing him, or "just act," like I'm confortable in my own skin" and "hide my pain" CAUSED by my thoughts of losing him.
The bottom line is…I can't be this girl who, apparantly keep men wanting them, by being and doing everything I just mentioned. My boyfriend knows all about my OCD, and that a good portion of it, if not all, is centered around losing him, and being afraid that he doesn't love me…so how the hell is a girl like ME to do? Is it bad that he knows this stuff? Is it bad that he's "so sure" that I'll never leave him? Am I killing the relaionship by allowing him to know this? Am I supposed to distance myself from him for a few days, so that he "misses me" or gets nervous that I'm leaving HIM, in order to make him not "take me for granted?"
These are all of the tormenting thoughts going on in my head, and they;re driving me nuts…I can't ask ANYONE ELSE about this. My mother has always been the one to make my scary thoughts and sorrows go away…butnow, at 23, she doesn't do that for me anymore,,,I don't feel better after I talk to her, or cry on her shoulder, because she'll usually tell me things like this…that is why i feel so lost
The 'games' work for a time, but they keep us from realizing why we really choose to be with someone: to be accepted for who we truly are and to love unconditionally. We can only be happy in a relationship when we know we can love ourselves without totally needing the validation of a significant other. When I read over your words 'pain CAUSED by my thoughts of losing him' I can remember all the times I absolutely needed that validation, that life couldn't be right if I didn't have it or pursue it 24/7. It's strange, but the minute you're willing to let go and know that you'll be alright by yourself — that the love of family and friends or casual lovers is enough to keep life fulfilling and happy, that we truly find respecting initimate relationships possible.
Hang in there 🙂